Vanessa, 37, was preparing to marry the love of her life, Meytal Kotik, a 42-year-old chef and culinary director who grew up in Queens, N.Y. Their lives had merged over the six-ish months after they met, before Meytal proposed during a quiet, cozy night at home in late September.
Vanessa remembers being surprised when Meytal asked -- but not because they had just met online that March, or because, up until then, based on previous discussions, she'd assumed she'd be the one doing the proposing. It was because, at the time, Vanessa was sick with a cold. For Meytal, taking care of her ailing partner was what inspired her to take the lead.
"I literally could not keep the words 'Will you marry me?' [in my mouth]," says Meytal. "I just couldn't hold them in."
The pair had matched on Tinder that spring, and by their second date, both had begun to suspect the other was "the one." After dinner at La Victoria Taqueria and "The Secret Comedy of Women" at the Regent Theatre in Arlington, Vanessa suppressed the impulse to volunteer to co-parent when Meytal talked about her intention to freeze her eggs.
On the drive home, Meytal found herself fantasizing about things they could do together, far, far in the future. She, admittedly not a planner, remembers realizing: "I want this person in my life, always.'" They had their first kiss over mugs of herbal tea at Meytal's Lowell home.
They kept busy, between work and social obligations, and saw each other for dates a "few times" each week. Vanessa, a woodworker and artist from Providence, tackled a full-time course load that summer, studying psychology at UMass Lowell. But their relationship progressed at a speed that did not quite match the calendar.
"Time was going by slowly, but it felt like we were together for longer than our relationship had been going on," says Meytal. "[We] were just trying to fit one another into our schedules at the time. So it was basically like, 'Where can you fit in? Do you want to bring the dogs for a hike? Would you want to come over and meet this person?'"
In early July, Vanessa joined Meytal and her friends for the tail-end of their annual camping trip to Vermont. The weather soured -- the temperature dipped and it poured rain -- and the couple was trapped in their tent, on a quickly deflating air mattress, when Vanessa confessed: "I don't want to sleep without you."
"It was still so nice just to be with her," says Vanessa. She moved into Meytal's house that August.
Neither remembers when they first said "I love you," but they agree it happened organically and often. They focused on building scaffolding for their shared future by reading books from the Gottman Institute and doing the accompanying therapy exercises created by relationship researchers and psychologists Drs. John and Julie Gottman.
"We want to be proactive -- we don't want to get to a point where we need [this type of therapy]," explains Meytal. "We want to be learning these tools along the way because we want a really strong foundation."
They discussed building a family together, and what types of parents each would be, agreeing their styles would mesh well: "I've always been someone who's like, 'Yeah, you can fall in love with anybody, but would they make a good parent? Would you want to have children with them?'" says Vanessa.
The couple wed on Dec. 23 at Lowell City Hall, exchanging vows with Rabbi Sarah Noyovitz as their only witness. (They hope to bring both families together for a casual celebration once the weather warms up.)
Rabbi Noyovitz had recommended picking a theme to help their vows feel complementary. Vanessa and Meytal decided on the theme of promises. "It was about what we promised to do and aspired to be for each other" in the future, says Meytal. While they composed their vows separately, both had referred to the other as their "very best friend."
Weeks prior, Meytal's brother had brought the couple their late father's tallit, to be used during the ceremony. They designed their Ketubah together -- "equal energy, equal time" -- each painting half of the colorful tree branches that curve to form a heart. The canvas hangs above the staircase in their home, where they returned after the ceremony for a home-cooked "hearty winter feast" and new wedding pajamas.
Each describes the other as a source of comfort. Meytal values Vanessa's gentle and caring nature, her ability to bond with even the smallest of creatures. "She cares deeply about everybody and everything in her life," says Meytal. "Plus, animals, everywhere, including bugs, which I find icky. But she will rescue them [if they ever get in] the house -- well, first, she'll try to feed them, and then she'll rescue them."
For Vanessa, falling in love with Meytal also meant learning to fall back in love with herself. She shared this with her brother when he asked her "what's so different" before they wed.
"Being with her made me feel more connected, more centered to myself," she explains. "Like when I was in my 20s and felt free, less restricted and reserved. I was shedding things that held me back -- she listened to me, made space in our relationship, consoled me, nourished my work. Her presence caused something inside of me to be more in touch with who I am."
Skepticism about their fast-tracked marriage has been nearly nonexistent, the couple reports. Members of an older generation shared words of encouragement and stories of their own successful and speedy roads to romance.
"[Friends our age] were joking with us ... but not anybody in a negative way," says Meytal. "But everybody who was in their 50s or older, their response was usually like, 'Hey, when you know, you know.'"
Read more from The Big Day, The Boston Globe's new weddings column.
Rachel Kim Raczka is a writer and editor in Boston. She can be reached at [email protected].