Does the thought of being fully present during the holiday season seem impossible? With office parties, lights to string, presents to wrap, and eggnog to drink, it might seem like focusing on moment-to-moment experiences is a resolution best saved for the new year.
There are many reasons why prioritizing mindfulness is so hard during the holidays -- the frenetic pace and relentless stress among them -- but the pressure to create "perfect" holiday experiences is a big one. "During the holidays, we put expectations on ourselves," licensed marriage and family therapist Laurie Singer, MS, BCBA, tells SheKnows. "We create thoughts in our minds of what people expect from us, which can lead to increased stress, anxiety and depression." Therapist Beth Brown, director of health and wellbeing at ComPsych, believes moms feel it the most. "Women often put so much pressure on themselves during this time of year," Brown tells SheKnows, "whether it's about cooking the perfect family meal, picking out amazing, thoughtful presents for loved ones, having the best decorated house on the block, or baking the cutest seasonal treats." Creating these towering expectations for your holiday season gets in the way of actually enjoying it all.
If you're feeling overwhelmed, stressed, and buried beneath the expectations, don't despair. Practicing mindfulness is a simpler fix for stress than you might realize. We rounded up experts' top mindfulness tips to help you make it through the holidays -- and actually enjoy them this year.
Need a quick refresh on what mindfulness actually is? According to Brown, it's simply "the practice of being aware of the present moment in an open, non-judgmental way." This means paying attention to "everything that exists in the moment -- your breathing, the thoughts passing through your mind, the sounds around you, the sensations your body is experiencing -- without judging them." When you're being mindful, you're fully engaged in what you're doing, fully present in the immediate moment.
Singer sums it up in two words: awareness and acceptance. "Awareness is the knowledge and ability to focus attention on your inner process and experiences. It's about staying in the present," she explains. "Acceptance is the ability to acknowledge, observe, and accept."
Mindfulness can have a massive impact on your mental health, especially during periods of stress like the holidays. Consistent mindfulness practice can help you with increased emotional regulation, reduced stress, improved social skills, decreased negative thought spirals, and more, Brown says. All of which sounds great during holiday crunch time -- so how do you actually become more mindful?
Before you can tell yourself to be mindful, you need to learn how to flex this powerful muscle. Dr. Howard Jacobson, cofounder of WellStart Health, says you develop the capacity to be mentally present by practicing.
"You don't get it by wishful thinking or by shaming yourself," he tells SheKnows. His tip: When you notice that you're somewhere else in your mind, bring yourself back, and do it again and again.
Mindfulness doesn't just happen in your head. You also need to be aware of what's going on in your body. "Your breath, your muscular tension and posture are all doorways to a mindful and conscious state," Jacobson explains. The more you pay attention to your body and trust its preferences, the more your body will wake you up when you slip into mindlessness. He recommends repeating this simple exercise:
"Mindfulness can really be about inhabiting your body and your physical reality," Brown says. One way to tap into this is by purposefully engaging all of your senses. "While you may be simply sitting with family and friends, you can practice mindfulness by focusing on what you're experiencing in that specific moment: hear the holiday music, smell the freshly baked cookies, observe the twinkling lights, feel the softness of your pajamas," she explains. This is both a way you can find mindful calm in any situation (even in the midst of a chaotic holiday party), and a way to ensure you're fully experiencing the moment you're in." By developing a mindfulness practice and becoming more attuned to the moment, you're able to more fully appreciate and experience these precious holiday memories," Brown says.
Phones lure us away from the present moment with notifications, social media, and endless distractions, so make an effort to take some time away from your screen this holiday season. "You might want to snap a few quick pictures for memories, but I recommend making an intentional effort to put your phone away and enjoy the moment without digital distractions," Brown advises.
If you feel yourself getting overwhelmed, a good way to pull yourself back to the moment is through simple breathwork techniques. Biopsychologist Dr. Mary Poffenroth, who researches how the nervous system and brain shape mental processes and behavior, recommends box breathing, or the 4-4-4-4 method, which is "a powerful neurohack that directly influences our autonomic nervous system," she tells SheKnows. Here's how you do it:
This even, rhythmic pattern activates your vagus nerve, which runs from the base of your brain down through the rest of your body, and which controls the "rest and digest" parasympathetic nervous system, Dr. Poffenroth explains. Cuing up your vagus nerve like this can "lower cortisol levels and activity in the amygdala, the brain's fear center," Dr. Poffenroth explains. "This change in the brain sets off a chain of calming effects that affect the whole body, making box breathing a powerful way to deal with stress immediately."
The holiday season can come with a heaping plate of chaos, and it's easy to get unmoored amongst all the busy-ness. To keep yourself mindful and grounded, "consider integrating simple rituals into your day," Dr. Scott Lyons, a licensed holistic psychologist, mind-body medicine specialist, and host of The Gently Used Human podcast, tells SheKnows. Set aside a few minutes for a morning stretch, a quiet cup of tea, or a few minutes of deep breathing before bed -- whatever calms you down and brings you back into your body. "These small acts can anchor us, offering a sanctuary of stillness amid the hustle and bustle," Dr. Lyons explains.
Holidays are prime times for experiencing uncomfortable feelings, both physically and mentally. That's when Jacobson says we often check out and distract ourselves with food, technology and other addictions. But instead of stepping away, he recommends being with the discomfort.
"The more we are willing to feel, the more we can stay present when negative feelings arise," he says. Not sure how to do this? Jacobson says to try this mindfulness exercise.
The holidays are a fantastic opportunity to engage in mindful eating. In fact, Dr. Honore Lansen, a physician with One Medical, tells SheKnows that sitting with family and friends for a meal can help us slow down our eating and better activate our senses.
"Savoring flavors and recognizing tastes makes eating more enjoyable and allows us to be more intentional in our choices," she explains. "Eating mindfully helps us to feel more content and as a result prevents overindulgence and ensuing guilt." The holidays are a perfect time to work on restoring a healthy relationship with food.
If holiday festivities begin to feel stressful, brave the cold weather and take a mindful moment to step outdoors to welcome the invigorating sensations of nature, Dr. Nina Smiley, a psychologist and director of mindfulness programming at the Mohonk Mountain House in New Paltz, New York, tells SheKnows.
"Focus on your senses of sight, smell, sound, taste, touch, and observe how these are stimulated in winter," she explains. "The soft touch of falling snow, the comforting warmth of your jacket against the crisp wind, the smell of winter air, the crunch of snow under your feet -- these are sensations that will lift your mood as you experience being outdoors and truly [being] present in the moment." Just remember to bundle up when you head out.
Winter is a great time to unwind in warm bubble baths, light some candles or bask in hydrating face masks as a pick-me-up. And according to Dr. Smiley, the simplest opportunity for self-care is literally only a breath away.
"Find some products with seasonal scents, like pine or spice, to help enhance your mood," she says. "Taking several deep, gentle breaths and doing some mindful breathing with a slow, full inhale and a relaxed release while letting go of thoughts can clear the mind and calm the body, one moment at a time."
Practicing meditation regularly can help decrease stress and improve your mood -- two things that are especially important during the holidays. The best part about meditation is you can do it anywhere, any time.
"It's all about cueing into your environment," Dr. Lansen says. Take a moment to be still and listen to the noises around you. Even if you're on the subway, walking on the street, or sitting with your friends and family, it counts as meditation. And if you're looking for more guidance, Dr. Lansen recommends checking out one of the a guided meditation app to help you center your mind and effectively de-stress.
It's difficult to take a break and focus on yourself during the holidays, but Celeste Viciere, a licensed mental health counselor, says you need to create a concrete plan that includes doing something just for you.
"This plan should be written down and placed somewhere that you will see it regularly," she tells SheKnows. Some easy ways to practice self-care include reading, deep breathing, going for a walk, or taking a lunch break. "Starting a routine like this before the holidays can also make it easier to manage stress that comes with a busy holiday schedule," Viciere says.