Can a pastor be authentic?
Over 39 years of being the pastor-in-charge the answer to that question, I find, begins, "Well of course!" After too-long a pause the person may follow with, "What do you mean?"
Then begins looking at the floor and shuffling of feet. Smiles may appear on devout parishioners' faces. Good, ethical, well-intentioned people want anything but that.
Authenticity in the pulpit? That could be dangerous.
Audre Lorde wrote this: "What do you need to say? What are the tyrannies you swallow day by day and attempt to make your own, until you will sicken and die of them, still in silence?"
When, according to the United Methodist Board of Pensions and Health Benefits, clergy tend to be "overweight ... have high blood pressure, stress levels and depression that are higher than the general population," one can deduce that they may not feel good about the life they are living.
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As clergy, we are to embody creative energy in the pulpit but how do we do that if we are stressed, depressed and anxious? And busy covering that up with a sweet smile, gentle voice and soft handshake?
Here are a few of the hurdles in the professional ministry that must be cleared to remain struggling, perhaps, but otherwise healthy:
-- Committees that believe their particular cause is the only one that matters
-- Congregants who have no idea of the collective overview that the pastor carries constantly.
Add to the above, private counseling sessions regarding careers, marriage, health and financial woes. Being told intimate details of lives that then those same people detest your knowing.
Perhaps it would be petty to mention that the gender of the pastor could have something to do with whether there's acceptance or not. I won't mention that. But I do ask you to answer silently whether it makes a difference in how the person-as-pastor is considered: so cool if a man is audacious; not so cool if it's a woman.
Also, I let the congregation I am serving know that the pastor is a mandated reporter if abuse is revealed. In one county, I left the church in order to work with their district attorney as his representative statewide in matters of child endangerment.
Or how about being accountable to a family whose daughter is expecting her first child -- at 16 -- and the baby-daddy is in jail. This family supports a well-known television evangelist weekly but they need their local pastor, now, to find some solutions for their daughter as well as visit the baby's father while he's incarcerated.
A big donor's son has been arrested, the judge is socially connected to the family and doesn't want to handle the resolution of whether the son should be in rehab or at home. The justice leaves it to their pastor to decide.
We are part of a hallowed local community because as the immortal words of John Updike remind us, "Being human cannot be borne alone." And yet too often the leader of this community is the one least allowed basic humanity.
The demands come quick and heavy. Distractions are constant and that doesn't even count the quirks we as human clergy are born into and carry from our families of birth.
Our own salvation begins in personal authenticity, being able to look one's self in the face and know that what I say and what I mean are the same.
My management of time and energy afford equanimity so that I can be at one with what is sacred in myself. This is how clergy colleagues as well as family, friends -- trusted intimates -- all know the same human being by this very name. Mine.
This one sets boundaries. She is not always available and takes regular Sabbath rest. Also, when managing certain events she may be somewhat stern due to hypervigilance that is required for the strategies of the congregation's relating to the community at large. It gets complicated.
When I asked the late Robert McAfee Brown, Jr., about creating a theology of the child since we all come to Jesus as God's beloved children, he said, "I don't know, exactly, just stay centered in the person."
Staying centered in the person of the one who brings a message of hope Sunday after Sunday is first of all what is required of every pastor-preacher. Clearing out the detritus in order to allow this one to be truly authentic may be the hardest task of all.
Audre Lord finishes the beginning statement, " ... we have been socialized to respect fear more than our own needs for language and definition, and while we wait in silence for that final luxury of fearlessness, the weight of that silence will choke us."
A gift you might consider for your pastor is this: allow this one to be thoroughly who this one was born to be.
And please be forewarned, it's risky. Forming such a habit may extend to the people around you, your mate, your in-laws and those you find are especially prickly in this political atmosphere of living dangerously.
Pastor Audrey Ward is pastor of the St. Helena United Methodist Church.
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